hard sweets

[Monkey]

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along? "The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in. "So", Smartie says. "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you." Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go. After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table. The Lockets take one look at jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh. After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood. He turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me." "I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f*cking menthal

[Monkey]

There are a couple of pieces of tarmac talking in a bar ....

One of them says "lets go to the club down the road"

"I'm not going down there, its really rough, some real hard cases get in there!!! says the other one.

"Its OK, I'll look after you" says the other one, "I know the guys down there"

So they both go down to the club and are having a few drinks when a piece of green tarmac comes in and starts to wind up the nervous piece of tarmac.

The green tarmac says "I dont like you!!!" and starts to beats him up, and leaves him in a mess and then walks out the club.

"I thought you were going to look after me!!!!" says the now bleeding and battered bit of tarmac to his friend "who was that bit of green tarmac??"

"Ae you f**king stupid?, I'm not stopping him, he's a cycle path!!

[Midland Canary]

They are absolutly dreadful jokes!

[Monkey]

midlandc said:

They are absolutly dreadful jokes!

you got any better ones then?

[CasketBase]

Awful Monkey, awful!